Relationships are hard work. They can be stressful. They also have the potential to bring us deep joy and satisfaction. But getting to that part is often a journey through hardship and stress. Who has not been knocked off balance by relational struggles? Who has not been surprised by the amount of pain that can come from relational wounds?

This book is about overcoming relational stress—surviving and thriving. As I read the manuscript, it occurred to me that in relationships, we often feel pounced upon in unsuspecting moments. These assaults can weigh heavily and destabilize us. Although we long for deliverance from the pain, our spirit has become vulnerable to the loss of hope. Even if we are to manage through the relational difficulties, many of us would like to register a complaint to God about the madness of relationships.

This book is a testament to the fact that it is possible to be resilient and thrive in our relationships. And this book will help you discover how. Gerry contends that all relationships get stuck in crazy cycles at times, and he uses three common stress roles to illustrate this: the rescuer, the victim, and the persecutor. The second and third sections of the book—the remedy—are where Gerry’s genius shines brightest. It is filled with thoughtful and enlightening material.

Gerry is a good storyteller. By weaving together the voices and anecdotes of his life with exercises, diagrams, and principles, he has created a book with something of value for everyone—whether in crisis or not. If you are interested in enhancing the strength and beauty of your relationships, this will help. His message is based on solid social science research without the technical jargon. It is written with sincerity and simplicity. Even the most career-driven individuals will be passionate about improving their personal relationships after reading this book.

I know Gerry well. He knows what he writes about from personal experience. He has survived and thrived. He has encountered relational challenges and endured with honor. He can even grin as he recounts some of the trials.

He also knows what he writes about from professional experience. He has walked many other people through their relational stressors, helping them come out the other side, not only as survivors, but also as thrivers. No wonder so many people invite Gerry into their lives. He can help you as well as you read this book.

I commend both the author and the book to you, knowing you will be relationally stronger as a result. Don’t just read the book, though. Take the questions seriously; reflect and put into action the useful tips and suggestions. If you do, you will be better equipped to encounter the relational challenges life throws at you. Your most important relationships are worth the investment. Not only will you survive, you will thrive.

Keith Tarry, MDiv
Friend and Colleague